Monty Python, Anime style!
by Caramel Tigress
Summary: DISCONTINUED. Famous Monty Python Skits, Animefied! Lots and lots of OOC. PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Table of Contents!

**Table of contents!**

**SHonen Shoujo Kid**

**I DO NOT OWN "MONTY PYTHON" NOR THE ANIMES IN THIS STORY!**

1 – **THE LUMBERJACK SONG: **(Tales of Symphonia)  
HAS SPOILERS! Zelos sings about what he truly wanted to be.

2 – **SPAM SKIT: **(Naruto)  
Sakura and Rock Lee go to a diner…but things don't go as well as planned…

3 – **DEAD PARROT SKIT**: (Yu-gi-oh!)  
Anzu says it's resting, Yami says it's dead. Who's right?

4 - (Possibly coming) **SPANISH INQUISITION**: (Avatar)  
_NOBODY_ expects the Fire Nation Attack!


	2. Lumberjack Song: Tales of Symphonia

**He's a Swordsman and He's Ok**

**Shonen Shoujo Kid**

**I DO NOT OWN "TALES OF SYMPHONIA" OR "MONTY PYTHON"!**

(A/N: Whenever my friends saw a pic of Zelos AKA the guy with long pinkish-red hair and blue eyes, they would say he's a girl. Then I learned about Monty Python from my friend Star Trekkie and…well, this came up. If I got anything wrong, PLEASE correct me!

This takes place when Colette is temporarily taken over by Martel and the group comes to save her.)

* * *

"Hey, Lloyd!"

A voice rang through the gigantic Tower of Salvation. Lloyd looked up at a balcony to see a man with long red-pink hair, light blue hair, and wearing pink: Zelos. "Here, take this!" Zelos threw down a small Exsphere to the brown-haired teen. "Quickly! Put it over Colette's Cruxis Crystal!"

Mithos shouted in anger. "You bastard Chosen! How dare you betray me!"

"Eh, I changed my mind," Zelos said. "Besides, I didn't want to be on your side in the first place. I…I wanted to be a swordsman. _An excellent swordsman_!" He jumped down and strode across the ground gracefully.

"Watching the bodies of idiots fall to the ground as I cut them apart. The art, the way it attracts ladies! My dear Sheena, come here!" Zelos had grabbed Sheena's arm and pulled her into his arms. "With this fair banshee by my side, we **SING**!"

"_WHAT_ DID YOU CALL ME?" the purple-clad female shrieked.

Raine slapped her forehead. "This may take a while."

(Zelos) _I'm a swordsman and I'm OK  
__I sleep all night and I fight all day_

Lloyd hadn't put the Exsphere on Colette yet, so she was still Martel. The Goddess saw Zelos point at Lloyd, Genis, and Mithos: he wanted them to enter in the song. They were all confused, yet they decided to join in. Colette/Martel watched in uncanny interest. _Mithos can sing? _She thought.

(Genis, Lloyd, Mithos) _He's a swordsman and he's OK  
__He drools all night and he farts all day_

(Zelos) _I fight bad men, I flirt a lot  
__In my group of three times three  
__Everyday I go out flirting  
__Inviting hunnies for tea_

Regal joined in while Kratos and Yuan suddenly burst out of the door behind the gang and sang along. "Where'd he come from?" Presea asked quietly. There was no reply. Zelos smiled with pride as he heard the voices of the adult men ringing in his ears.

(Kratos, Regal, Yuan) _He fight bad men, he flirts a lot  
__In his group of three times three  
__Everyday he goes out flirting  
__Inviting hunnies for tea_

"It seems that we must join in," Presea said. Raine sighed and agreed, the two ready to take a breath. Colette/Martel sang with a lovely goddess voice, but Sheena wasn't really supportive of the idea of singing along. She did sing, but in a low tone that no one could hear.

(All) _I'm/he's a swordsman and I'm/he's OK  
__I/he fight(s) all night, I/he fight(s) all day_

(Zelos) _I slash and cut, I curtsy and skip  
__I have really hairy arms  
__I always wear women's clothing  
__And flirt with hot guy stars_

As the girls' eyes widened in surprise and shock, bodiless heads of two of the Five Grand Cardinals sang. Magnius and Forcystus sang as aloud as they could.

(Magnius, Forcystus) _He slashes and cuts, he curtsies and skips  
__He has really hairy arms  
__He always wears women's clothing?  
__AND FLIRTS WITH GUY STARS?_

(All) _I'm/he's a swordsman and I'm/he's OK  
__I/he fight(s) all night, I/he fight(s) all day_

(Zelos) _I kick bad butt, I wear lipstick  
__Girls' undies and a bra  
__I wish I'd been a girlie  
__Just like my dear papa!_

Sheena was on the verge of freaking out while Kvar and Rodyle's voices echoed in the distance. The girls had heard ENOUGH OF THE SONG _NOW_, but that thought made the tone of the Asgard Half-Elf and the other Half-Elf sing louder.

(Kvar, Rodyle) _He kicks bad butt, he wears lipstick  
__**Girls'** **undies** and a **BRA?**_

The ninja had enough for one day. Completely horrified and shocked, she backed away until she was behind Lloyd, hiding behind him. "No more of the song, PLEASE!" Raine pleaded. The guys unfortunately ignored her and the guys continued to sing.

(Guys) _I'm/He's a swordsman and I'm/he's ok  
__I/He kick(s) all night and I/he talk(s) all day  
__Yeah, I'm/he's a swordsman and I'm/he's O-KA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A..._

Five minutes passed until the "OKAY!" part was over.

(Guys) _I/He-sleep(s)-all-night-and-I/he-work(s)-all-day!_

The song finished and the women sighed in relief. Lloyd finally placed the Exsphere over Colette's Cruxis Crystal and Martel vanished, returning to the shimmering blue lily. "Lloyd, you're here!" Colette chirped cheerfully. She saw the faces on Raine, Sheena, and Presea. "Did I miss something?"

"You're better off not knowing…" Lloyd replied.

"But—!"

Raine had cast a spell to silence her. "Lloyd is right, Colette," she continued. "It'd be best if you didn't know."

"…ok!" Colette smiled.

* * *

(A/N: The "hairy arms" part...I had run out of ideas. Oh, please review!)


	3. Spam Skit: Naruto

**Do Ninjas eat Pocky?**

**Shonen Shoujo Kid**

**Based on the spam scene in "Monty Python"**

**I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING!**

(SCENE: Rock Lee and Sakura go to a diner to have lunch, and…well, things don't go as well as planned…instead of SPAM, there is POCKY.)

* * *

The couple walked into the Diner, hand in hand. When they came up to the counter, they were greeted by a man with the nametag "Sasuke uchiha". "Hello, and welcome. Read these menus and decide what you want."

He handed both the male and the female a menu.

_Yogurt and sandwich  
__Yogurt, Sandwich, and Spaghetti  
__Yogurt and Pocky  
__Yogurt, sandwich, and Pocky  
__Yogurt, sandwich, spaghetti and Pocky  
__Pocky, yogurt, sandwich, and Pocky  
__Pocky, yogurt, pocky, spaghetti, and Pocky  
__Pocky, Pocky, Pocky, sandwich, and Pocky  
__Pocky, Pocky, Pocky, Pocky, Pocky, Pocky, French fries, Pocky, Pocky, and Pocky  
__Deluxe sesame chicken, beef and broccoli, Peking duck, shrimp fried rice, and Pocky_

Sakura raised a hand. "Anything you have without Pocky in it?" she asked. Her only reply was Sasuke turning to face her and answering, "Well, Pocky, yogurt, sandwich, and Pocky don't have much Pocky."

"I don't even want Pocky!" the pink one complained. Sitting next to her, Rock Lee faced the female. "What about Yogurt, sandwich, spaghetti and Pocky?"

The female fumed with rage. "It has Pocky, dammit!"

"Not as much as pocky, yogurt, sandwich, and pocky."

"Look, Sasuke-kun," she said, trying to stay in her calm state. "Can I just have Yogurt, sandwich, spaghetti and Pocky without Pocky?"

Sasuke's face twisted in disgust.

"Don't '_ugh'_ me!" Sakura shrieked. "I don't like Pocky!"

In the back, five frogs started to sing the word "pocky" over and over again. Sasuke picked up a nearby spatula and whacked it on the counter, screaming, "SHUT UP! _SHUT UP_! SHUT UP! **SHUT UP**!" Once the area was silent, he returned to the original subject. "You can't have Yogurt, sandwich, spaghetti and Pocky without Pocky!" he said to the girl.

"_Why not_!" Sakura demanded.

Sasuke: "What kind of Yogurt, sandwich, spaghetti and Pocky would it be without Pocky?"

"**_I DON'T LIKE POCKY!"_** Sakura pounded her fist on the counter so hard, it could've caused an earthquake.

Rock Lee wrapped his arm around her shoulder softly, calming her down. "Don't worry. If it'll make you happy, I'll take your Pocky. Besides, I'm having Pocky, Pocky, Pocky, Pocky, Pocky, Pocky, French fries, Pocky, Pocky, and Pocky."

Back in the back, the frogs sang their "pocky" song over and over again. Sasuke shouted, "We've run out of French fries!"

"I'll just have Pocky then."

"You mean Pocky, Pocky, Pocky, Pocky, Pocky, Pocky, Pocky, Pocky, and Pocky?"

"YES!"

"YOU'RE DISGUSTING!" Sasuke finally noticed the five singing of the joys of pocky. But before he could get the spatula, Rock Lee had picked it up and ran over to the frogs like he was about to murder them. Who wasn't annoyed by their song?

Naruto came from the employee's room and came up to Sasuke. "Hey, do you by any chance have any extra pocky, spaghetti, pocky, sandwiches, pocky…?"

Sasuke picked up a nearby frying pan and chased him out of the room.


	4. Dead Parrot Skit: Yugioh!

**A Dead Kuriboh**

**Shonen Shoujo Kid**

**Based on the "Dead Parrot" skit in "Monty Python"**

**I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING!**

(SCENE: Anzu is just minding her business in her pet shop when Yami bursts in, complaining that his pet Kuriboh is dead. But is it dead, passed out, paralyzed, pining, or sleeping? Read and find out!)

* * *

It was a quiet day for Anzu in the pet store until the door opened. She looked up to see a customer who had come earlier: Yami. "I'm sorry, I'm on a lunch break," she said to him. "You'll have to come back later."

He held a cage with a Kuriboh to Anzu's view. "I have a complaint about this monster I bought fifteen minutes ago."

"Oh, that's a Kuriboh. One of the most adored and loved pets in the—"

"You want to know the problem?" Yami interrupted. "It's _dead_, that's the problem."

"Don't be stupid. It's sleeping."

"I know a dead animal when I see one. _THIS_ is an example."

"Just admit it: it's sleeping. Kuribohs sleep for a long time."

"Oh, sure."

"I'm not kidding. Kuribohs need to sleep 16 hours a day!"

"Then why is it a child's favorite pet?"

"It just is."

"Fine. If it's asleep, I'll wake it up." Yami held the cage up above his shoulder and shouted, "Hey, Kuriboh! Get up! Get up and I'll give something to eat! How about some nice—?"

Anzu quickly pushed the cage. "There, it moved."

"It did not! You touched the cage!"

"Prove it!"

"Why should I?" Yami pulled the "dead" creature out of the cage. "HEY, WAKE UP!" He started to shake it by it foot. No response from kuriboh. "See? It's dead!"

Anzu was about to protest until the angry customer held the Kuriboh and continually slammed it on the counter as if he was trying to open a coconut. "Need more proof?" He dropped the puffball and it fell to the floor. "You paralyzed it while checking if it was dead!" the female shrieked.

"It's dead, deceased, and gone and I knew it once I brought it home," Yami retorted. "You said it was tired from a big fight it had with a white dragon with blue eyes, being the reason why it was motionless."

"Oh c'mon, it's pining," Anzu sighed. "It had learned that all of his siblings had died a few seconds before you bought him. Wouldn't you feel sad if you found out that your family had died?"

The brunette was about to go back to her lunch until the spiky-haired person shouted, "It fell flat on its face when I got home with a loud _SPLAT_!"

"The Kuriboh's resting, and the only way it can rest if it's lying down on its face, and it likes making 'splat' noises."

"Ok, then." Yami put the cage onto the counter. "Explain why I found a _NAIL_ in its foot—where it was nailed to the perch—and the mouth was stapled to make it look like it was _smiling_!"

"If I hadn't put that there, it would've broken the cage and flew off!" Anzu replied. "And it would've bit you if I hadn't stapled its mouth! And why would I give you a refund if it's alive? It's probably just passed out when it fell over."

"It's not passed out, IT'S _PASSED AWAY_!"

_Now_ she was pissed. "You're such a—!"

Yami slammed his fist onto the surface. "This thing has stopped breathing! It has ceased to be! It has gone to meet its maker! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies!"

"STOP COMPLAINING!" She held a hand up to her throat after screaming at the top of her lungs. "Look, if you don't like it, then I'll replace it." She looked down at a nearby fish tank and smiled. "What would you like: a snail or a slug?"

"Do they talk?"

"Why would they?"

Yami turned around to leave. Anzu chased after him, screaming, "WAIT! NO! GET BACK HERE! WE HAVE AN AARDVARK!"

* * *

(A/N: _"Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies!"_

That's an actual line from "Monty Python". I just had to put it in: I love that line!)


End file.
